VOLUME IX – CHAPTER 2
HOW CAN PARENTS HELP CHILDREN?
(Prof. N. Shanmugam, addressed the parents and staff of Vivekananda Vidyalaya, Chromepet, Chennai on 3rd September, 1989. The following is a summary of his address)
1) Parent’s way of life affects the children
The son a Naval Commander asks his father:
Have I mixed soda and whisky correctly?
2) Parent’s quarrel affects the children’s personality development
Separated Parents.
In USA – Men apply for Primary Teachers Post.
In India – Women apply.
3) Parents who abuse are more harmful than those who don’t care
An art teacher said, “Ravi Varma can with a stroke of the brush
change a happy face into a sullen face.”
The small girl in the last bench said:
“My mother can do it better.”
4) Appreciate innocent love
Granddaughter writes to Grandma in the hospital:
“Hope you get good marks in all your tests.”
5) Appreciate Mischievous Questions
Girl to mother:
“Which shall we show father first? My rotten report or your new
saree?
Boy to father:
“What is the trouble dad (Who is seeing the progress report) –
heredity or environment?”
6) Understand their idiosyncrasies
When Gerald Ford’s son entered the lift suddenly, Queen Elizabeth II
Told Mrs. Ford –
“I too have just one like that.”
7) You become the best teacher, when you understand your child fully
Father to son:
“Which elective is your preference? Choose that which will help you
to become what you want to be”
8) Your child will learn best when you impact it with feeling and effect
Mother to boy defining the difference between CONSCIOUS and
CONSCIENCE.
CONSCIOUS : When you are aware of what you want to be.
CONSCIENCE : When you wish you weren’t.
9) Understand their behaviour pattern:
ALPHAS : Cautious, reserved, quilt, undemanding.
BETAS : Outgoing, active spontaneous.
GAMMAS : Moody, emotional, over or under demanding.
10) Understand teachers’ remarks and react positively
The report said:
“He is forging his way steadily ahead.”
11) Parent’s attitude to teachers counts much
Farewell party to a teacher – attended by a parent with his son – parent,
an old student parent said in the meeting:
“Sir, the clock reminded us of the hours, while you made us forget them”
12) Home schooling is important and useful
Mother defining ‘Charity’ and Compassion’.
COMPASSION – Buying them back.
13) Sound advice to be given:
Father to daughter who wanted to leave the college because it was a rat race:
“Life is a rat race, college will teach you which rat to get on.”
14) Give diplomatic answer to innocent questions:
Daughter to Mother:
“When did you meet father first?”
Mother : In the party.
Daughter: Were I with you?
Boy to father :
“Dad today three people spoke on family education.
Priest said why we shouldn’t,
Doctor spoke on ‘how’,
Principal spoke on ‘where’,
What do you think Dad?
Father : I agree with all three.
15) Influence of home and school:
Ram to Naresh in a hospital:
Ram – Are you a medical or surgical case
Naresh – I don’t understand
Ram – Were you sick before you came here from home, then
you are medical. Did the school make you sick after
joined it? Then you are surgical.
16) Shower affection:
If you shower your affection on your peas (children) they will reveal
themselves.
17) Withdrawal of affection is the best punishment:
Stop talking to son/daughter, if you are annoyed with their behaviour.
18) Teach frugality:
Use four magic words:
“We can’t afford it.”
If the child has not heard ever these four words, then he has been cheated by his/her parents.
Frugality strengthens the spirit
19) Don’t react negatively with the teacher for your kid’s poor grade:
Mother to teacher
You hate my family.
You failed my son, me
and now my daughter.
20) Influence of environment:
Teacher : Name three parts of the cell.
Boy : Bar, keys and mattress (Father was a tailor).
Teacher : Define in formation.
Boy : Planes flying side by side (Father was a Pilot)
21) Mothers hold over the child’s mind is powerful:
Teacher : Why have you not done this sum?
Boy : I won’t do it.
Teacher : Why? It is so easy. You have to borrow one unit and
Boy : That is it, I won’t borrow.
Mom has told me never borrow in life.
22) Parent’ role in value education is vital:
Father advising son and his four friends on the merits of various
religions.
There are three different routes to the cotton mill across the hill,
were we all take our cotton.
The mill manager will only ask:
“How good is your cotton?”
And not
‘which way you came?
23) Spend some quality time daily with your children
a) Eating together.
b) Playing with them.
c) Helping in his studies.
24) Teach them the art of learning
To learn-tell them
How much you read is not important,
but how focused you read is important.
25) Never take sides in a teacher – pupil conflict situation
Don’t create two enemies.
26) Personal and emotional maturity of the parent has a salutary effect
They observe how you behave in a funeral, in a marriage, in a school
Function, in the place of worship etc.
27) Ask the child to put down his complaint in writing telling both sides
That will help him look at the issue in its proper perspective.
28) Meet and talk it out with the teacher
If he does anything wrong at home, request the teacher to advise him.
If the teacher reports any wrong doing, ask her about the reason or back
ground for his action.
Find out who should take the remedial measures.
29) Be an encouraging parent and provide a supportive environment
Appreciate his small successes.
Create opportunities for that.
Never miss school functions.
Provide some personal space for him at home.
Help him handle money.
Help him with time management.
Help him to use leisure wisely.
Help him choose his friends.
Help him develop empathy.
Help him learn obey rules.
Make him understand that how he behaves when unseen will define
him.
30) Combine your age, experience and affluence with the energy and
social consciousness of the child:
Your age must have a softening effect.
Your experience must enrich and
your affluence must elevate him.
Be useful to channelise his energy and social consciousness.
31) Parents to focus on developing the child’s heart:
Present education produces well developed heads but less developed
Hearts.
Parents to impart value education thro’ personal example.
32) Parents get irritated when the child doesn’t understand:
Realize the difference in age, experience, knowledge and exposure.
Be calm and patient.
33) Parents should not interfere with every statement of their child about
the teacher:
At the same time be a vent-
For the child’s feelings
Listen patiently to what the child says, look at both sides.
Remember – to whom else will the child confide?
34) Parents need not give a solution for every problem of the child
Make the child locate the causes of the problem and help her to remove
them one by one.
35) Parents should curtail exaggeration
Don’t blow out anything out of proportion.
Exaggeration may l lead to fantasy.
The child may, overtime, accept it as the norm.
36) Parents need to explain their mistakes to them
When a child says, “I will not do the home work in English, because that
teacher does not appreciate my writing” –
He wants recognition
Explain his mistakes
Help him to improve his handwriting.
Request the teacher to
be sympathetic and help him to improve his handwriting.
37) Parents need to explain the importance of discipline
If a child says, “My teacher is very strict. I hate going to school.” Explain
to him that the teacher is strict with all and the school provides many
opportunities to learn and grow.
38) Parent’s tone is very important
When you advise softly, the child understands better your tone must
attract and not repel.
39) Parent should be attentive and patient when the child expresses its grievances
Focus all your attention on her statement. Listen, she must know that
you are listening to her.
Don’t interfere with any comment.
Allow her to pour her heart out first.
40) Parent to have a good rapport with the teacher
If you feel your child nurses, a comply in a particular subject because of
the teacher, write a polite letter requesting for suggestions and
indicating the scope for improvement. Request an appointment with the
teacher for meeting her with your spouse (mother).
41) Parents to make it clear to him that he is one of the 40 in the class
Make him understand that he can’t claim any special attention because
of his father’s status and that the teacher will treat all equally.
42) Parents not to interfere with the child’s academic work too much and too often
Constant monitoring will irritate him.
Don’t spoon feed him.
Don’t do his home work.
Make him do it on his own.
Provide enrichment learning material.
43) Parents not to rush with suggestions for both child and teacher
Here patiently and then induce them to come up with their own
suggestions at the end you may add one or two.
44) Join hands with the teacher to lay a strong foundation for a healthy academic
Progress and impressive personality growth of the child.
45) Parents to help the child understand the merit of giving and sharing
Tell them that we make a living by what we get and make a life by what
we give.
46) Be an example – role model
Live in such a way that you will be considered by your child as one.
One of those who came to the rescue of humanity’s honour.
47) Parents’ quarreling while driving, may prove dangerous for children:
The teacher was describing how lot’s wife looked back and turned into
a pillar of salt.
At once john said:
‘My mother looked back once while driving and she turned into a
telephone pole.’
48) Parents helping somebody has a salutary effect on the child’s mind
Whenever one life touches another, opportunities exist to offer
encouragement, appreciation and concern.
49) Don’t become aliens to your own child
One evening two ladies were walking. An ayah came by pushing a
perambulator with a child.
One lady asked her:
“Whose beautiful child is this?”
The ayah replied:
“Madam, only you appointed me last month!”
50) Roots, if become visible, will bring down the tree
If the mother becomes a club addict, and spends more time outside,
the family tree will fall down.
The mother is the root of the family tree.
51) Help children in their school activities with a touch of humour
In an elocution contest the topic was “Silence”. A boy came to the mike
and stood still – then he explained, my father said, “There can’t be a
better way of speaking on this topic.”
52) Parents – Best thermometer for children
When something goes wrong, the teacher shall ask the mother, who can
help her understand the problem of the child.
53) Enjoy the child’s statement
One day a teen aged girl came home from school and told her mother,
“I am going to learn domestic silence.”
“You mean ‘Domestic Science”, corrected the mother.
Her father chimed in, “Shh! There is a bare hope that she really means it?”
54) Allow him have his way and learn
The best way to convince a child, he is wrong is to let him have his way
and realize.
55) Spend time with the child
Go with the child when he finds something wonderful, so mysterious,
that he just has to share it. Child is closer to God and more aware of
the small miracles than we adults who are too busy to observe the
wonders of God’s creation. If you refuse to take the time, you may miss
a lovely interlude to hold in memory thro’ the years – like white violets
after an April shower.
~~~~~
ONE WHO KNOWS (VOLUME IX – CHAPTER 2)
(DIMENSIONS OF THE LIFE AND WORK OF A PRINCIPAL)
1152) One who is an avid learner – one who has assimilated the quintessence of the following books as noted below and made them part of his philosophy and practice of Education Management:
“The real truth about success” – Garrison Wynn:
People like to align themselves who talk to the point.
People like only those who don’t criticise their actions.
People like to decide what is to their advantage.
Even if it may be successful people don’t undertake difficult 7 asks.
People select only those things that are possible for them.
People like only leaders who give prominence to them.
“How to be successful, yet happy” – Mark Littleton:
A word of appreciation will keep me enthusiastic for two months,
Said Mark Twain.
Appreciation without any verbal foliage is very effective.
The bible says:
The bible says:
“Words expressed in the proper environment are work like apples set in a silvery background.”
Sharina the fear will remove it, as Dwight D. EisenHower did.
“59 Seconds: – Richard Wiseman:
Not paying dues in time,
not executing plans in time,
not preparing well for exams
are dangerous.
As soon as people finish a job, they forget it.
But if unable to complete a job mind repeatedly think about the unfinished portion.
Work is postponed if it is difficult, uninteresting or complex.
But in such work, if you get yourself involved, you won’t rest till it is finished.
“In pursuit of Excellence: – W. Bill Marriott Jr. :
From the younger days plan to take certain resolutions and keep
them up.
Thomas Carlyle’s advice:
“A man lives only by believing certain things, not by debating many
things.”
Don’t waste your time in debates and imagination.
“See you at the top: – Zig Ziglar :
In ability is the root cause of frustration.
To avoid failure, prioritise your work.
Do your work one by one.
Don’t think too much about the results.
Help others as much as possible.
“The Habits of highly effective people” – Stephen R. Covey :
Anticipate
Start a work with a goal
First comes first
Your decision must lead to a win-win situation for both
Always work in a team
“Chicken Soup for the soul” – Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen :
“100 ways to boost yourself confidence” – Barton Goldsmith:
Your Life is in your hands.
Don’t forget to open and see the ocean of talent inside you.
Even a Lion can’t push you down.
“Awaken the giant within ‘Unlimited Power’-Money Master the
Game:” – Antony Robbins:
Sharpen your self confidence.
“You can heal your life” – Louis Hay:
1) No magic wand can make your life alright.
2) But your mind can do it.
3) Make your speech and action attractive.
4) Your mind and body are inter twined.
“What is holding you back” – Sam Horn:
1) Ask yourself – What is holding me back from doing my best and
fullest?
Plan your work in stages.
Turn failures into lessons.
“Have a new You buy Friday:”
1) Truth is bitter, more so if it is about you.
2) How to accept that truth.
3) From there, how to move forward to success?
4) From who you are – To where should you go, is the question.
5) How to change our self?
“The breakout Principle” – Herbert Benson:
1) How to lead a happy life in the midst of Stress, Tiredness,
Mental fatigue.
“Self help that works”: – Adan Khan :
1) You are your best friend and worst enemy.
“Think and grow rich” – Napoleon Hill:
1) As you think – So you become.
One who has internalised: – A Jain Prayer:
ஆக்குவ தேதெனில் அறத்தை ஆக்குக
போக்குவ தேதெனில் வெகுளி போக்குக
நோக்குவ தேதெனில் ஞானம் நோக்குக
காக்குவ தேதெனில் விரதம் காக்கவே
1153) One who knows how to get a head start by following these seven
Basic Principles:
Prepare a “Done” list:
A ‘To Do’ –List will create anxiety about things still to do.
A ‘Done’ list is a compliment showing how far you have achieved.
Set smart goals:
Pair the stretch goals with your smart goals – have a concrete plan
for realizing your stretch goal.
Put your plan in black and white:
Every evening before you leave office, write down all items of work to be done on the next day.
Start with an easy task:
If you find it difficult to get started, begin with an easy to-do task,
which will consume less time and give the smell of success.
Take breaks:
Even machines need rest so don’t work at a stretch, take short breaks after you finish one item.
Don’t allow distractions to distract you:
Not too much time to be spent on social media
Don’t give room for temptation.
Sleep well:
Work without sleep will spoil your next day’s work.
1154) One who has avoided these six causes of all problems:
Anger
Pride
Greed
Lust
Attachment
Laziness
1155) One who knows that while dealing with an errant staff and tricky
situation, deception can be a useful strategy to win over the situation.
1156)One who knows that “Conflict often occurs because our values or
aspirations are being challenged or ignored or impeded in some way.”
1157) One who knows that “conflict can actually be valued as an opportunity
to clarify what is important to us and what we are willing to sacrifice in
order to have some of our values realised.”
1158) One who knows there are two approaches:
Education as an enterprise
Education as a service
He chose the later.
1159) One who has seen principals being afraid of a lower level staff
(Because of his political links) and becoming an ‘Yes’ man to him.
1160) One who learnt the meaning of the word “courage’ from
Dr. V.T. Subramanyam, Vice-Chancellor of Tamil University, Tanjavur,
who while setting up the Varsity, was asked by a Union Minister
to drop the word, “Dravidian” and retorted that he will do so if the
Minister got that word removed from our National Anthem.
1161) One who knows that two things are both dangerous and despicable:
Not knowing what one ought to know.
Knowing what one ought not to know.
1162) One who is so good that the staff think twice before doing anything
wrong. And also think that while our principal has provided us so
much, why should we lose all that by our ignorance and indifference.
1163) One who knows how to tackle the staff, who are very submissive
apparently and those who are aggressive (show off).
1164) One who, if he finds a staff a little devoted to his work, will envelop
him with his love, kindness and lift him up and take him under his
Love, kindness and lift him up and take him under his umbrella.
1165) One, who, if he finds it difficult to understand a staff, then also he
starts behaving in a way that the staff can’t understand him.
1166) One who, even as the God doesn’t expect anything from the devotee
except devotion, expects nothing from his staff except devotion to his
work.
1167) One, who, as long as everyone properly, will remain silent; but when
someone becomes deviant and defiant, then will reveal his power.
1168) One, who, if he finds a staff’s thought, word and action are not proper,
will try to reform and refine him or if incorrigible relieve him.
1169) One who after seeing his students could not think of seeing any one
else.
1170) One who lends his ears to what the teachers have to say.
1171) One creates a change in the way.
1172) One who has both the bird’s eye view (Long Term) and worm’s eye
view (Short Term).
1173)One who takes care of the Dehatma Buddhi conception, as well as
the mental and intellectual conception of self by the staff and over
and above that their spiritual well-being also.
1174)One who does not suffer from Upadhi – Roga – Designation – Affliction
– not lost in a race for designations.
1175)One who knows that half the battle is won when the staff know what
you are and he knows what they are.
~~~~~
WHEN clouds gather in the sky, lightning appears and illuminates the cloud. Similarly, “Wisdom must illuminate Education”. This word of SAI is the path of Truth. Smaller than the smallest atom, bigger than the biggest thing, witness of everything, the Atma is Brahman and Brahman is “Atma”. – Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba
